WIN WITHOUT DESTROYING
“winning arguments by destroying people damages relationships. win by seeking truth together.”
The Lesson
How to win arguments without destroying relationships (Jordan Peterson's approach). Start by delineating where you agree, not differ-makes them open to your points. Use 'it seems like' instead of 'you're saying'-invites correction. Explicitly state 'I'm not trying to trap you'-diffuses ego defense. Separate egos from views: 'The problem I have with the argument' (not 'your argument'). Show willingness to reconsider your own opinions. The key frame: do you want to be right, or do you want to get it right? You might not 'destroy' anyone, but you'll walk away with clearer understanding of truth.
Real-World Example
A founder disagrees with their co-founder on strategy. Old approach: marshal arguments, win the debate, co-founder feels defeated and resentful. New approach: 'Here's where I think we agree... It seems like your concern is X, is that right?... I'm not trying to trap you, I genuinely want to understand... The issue I have with that approach, not with you, is...' Both walk away feeling heard. The better strategy emerges. Relationship strengthened, not damaged.
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